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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Restaurant Rant

So I'm bitter this week...completely personal reasons...but it's annoying me so I feel like complaining.

Restaurants are great - I love them - obviously - I go to one every day practically - but there are just some things that get on my nerves when I go out to eat - so here goes...

For the New Year - every restaurant - read this blog and take note:

1. When you buy stools, chairs, light fixtures, knick knacks - TAKE THE TAGS OFF! You know how tacky it is when you're in a nice restaurant to look up and admire the light and then notice the price tag sticker on the inside? I mean - it's the final touch - and it's laziness! (I was recently at a place that literally had tags left on everything! I was cracking up!)

2. Bread Part 1 - give us some! Good lord - it's cheap and makes us happy...who doesn't like bread? Okay - my friends Lou and Scott - but hey - more for me!

3. Bread Part 2 - um - make it good bread! I'm not asking for homemade but just not dry ass stale bread. How hard is it to find some decent bread?! Obviously some places are amazing with their bread...I'm not always asking for amazing...just please not stale and dry.

4. Butter - if I get hard butter at one more place - I'm going to scream! You give us bread then bring out butter that just came out of the freezer!!!! I don't want a half pat of butter stuck to a dry stale piece of bread! This has to be my biggest pet peeve of all - please oh please for the new year - can all restaurants give us soft butter!

5. Iceberg Lettuce - really people - its 2009 (well almost) - let's jump into new millenium here! I mean - I understand at a cheap restaurant - hey - you're cheap - we're cheap - it's fine. But if I'm paying more than $10 for an entree I expect something more than a crappy iceberg lettuce salad with an unripe tomato slice dropped on top.

6. Ranch dressing - make your damn own! It's not hard! Usually places that have great burgers have great ranch...the rest of you...take a cue from them.

(I'm getting fiestier as I go along...)

7. Decor - I always walk into a place and think WWGS - What Would Gordon (Ramsey) Say? Most places need an overhaul - and hey - you're busy - the economy sucks - we understand! But maybe dust off the paintings, pull down the wallpaper border and head to the clearance aisle at TJ Maxx and spruce it up a bit with some new crap.

8. Parsley - we don't want to eat it - leave it off. There is no need for a large chunk of it sitting by my steak or an abundance of it sprinkled on my food.

9. Clear the plates - this one is for Scott. It's his biggest pet peeve. When you see that I'm finished with my plate - please take it. I'm very obvious about it - I set my napkin on top. So if you walk by the Food Hussy and her napkin is covering her plate - take it away!

10. Be the best - find one thing and make it your specialty. There's nothing I hate worse than going someplace and having everything seemingly mediocre. Make something your ownLink - be the best at it! Here are some bests:

Best Soup: Tie - Paula's downtown on Tuesday - chicken, wild rice, musroom & Kona (sad face) with their corn chowder

Best Bread: Walt's Hitching Post - rye bread with sea salt & Red Lobster - seriously - the best stuff ever!!!!!!

Best Chips: Chipotle

Best Service: PigallsLink
Best Odd Sandwich that doesn't sound good but kicks ass: Greenup Cafe - it's a croissant with tomato, brie and onion...WTF? But it rocks!

Best Burger: Terry's Turf Club

Best Odd Ethnic Food: Chicken at Emanu

Best Dive Bar with Crazy Awesome Food: Friendly Stop

Best Quirky Decor: Hideaway

Best Art I want to steal: Aqua

Best consistency: RuThais

Okay - so that's my short list for the day - I know there are more...what do you think? Is there a pet peeve that I missed? Is there a "best" I forgot????
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